What is it about a good sword that inspires the true nerd in every lonely dork out there? I myself fell prey to this strange fantasy-lust upon my first reading of LOTR (no I’m not gonna spell it out for you, if you don’t know what that stands for by now then slag off). It was further solidified by my subsequent 10 ten readings, the Shannara books, the Kingdom for Sale books, and my rather heoric, I must say, digesting of Robert Jordan’s first 6 Dragon Reborn novels (Those fuckers are a 1000 pages each! Fuck you Tolstoy!). I had to stop 700 pages into the seventh and catch my breath, but the remaining books still lie waiting on my shelf.
My fantasy nerdness could be traced back to a more significant event in nerddom, a journey that every true geek must make at least once in his life. It’s actually one essential mecca in a trilogy of experiences one must enjoy to satisfy the requirements of a true geek in my eyes.
First, one must go to a Star Trek convention…in costume. I’ll give you credit for going to the Labyrinth Masquerade in costume for this requirement, only because I deem it more embarrasing than dressing up as a Ferengi and walking up to seasoned actors for their autograph (Fuck you Q!).
Trial the Second: Comic-Con in San Diego. You just aren’t a true geek unless you go to this at least once. And by gum, you should want to go again and again! I do, but I’m struck up here in Norcal! All I’ve got up here is shitty Wondercon, fuck that! I felt sick pangs at what I missed this year, and yes I’m working on the fucking video from last year, shut the fuck up already, jebus.
The Third and final Labour, one must go to LEAST ONE Renaissance Faire…and eat a turkey leg, drink a flagon of mead, and call at least one woman a wench. Sorry, them’s the rules. I don’t care if you’re man or woman, that’s just the way it was back then, now…er, whatever eat a handful of shrooms, smoke a j and you’ll be right there in the Middle Ages. That’s right, no longer will you be criticized hippies for your patchouli stink, at least not amongst this crowd.
Anyway, there I go again, digressing, fucking High Fidelity, damn you for side-tracking me! Where’s that gif? Ahhh, there it is…
Anyhoo, er, swords! They are fucking cool, and I really fell in love with the whole craftsmanship surrounding their creation at these Faires. I’ve bought many a sword in my travels, most of them overseas while I was flying into places like Turkey and Spain (go to fucking Toledo if you want a proper blade, and suit of armor btw, they widely recognized as being the best steel in the world).
Yet there is one store I came across at a Ren Faire in Houston, TX and again in PA that made me inwardly react like this, sorry, I’m on an animated gif rampage, as usual. Angel Sword, these guys kick major ass. Basically, they smelt swords for use in professional jousting tournaments. These are real fucking swords, they will cut your shit like a knife. If you were Merrick in Timeline, this is the sword you would want if you were thinking about going back in time to fight the English! They’re too many!
Click on that link, they’ve got this weird animated gif of some broad one the blacksmiths over there must have married, posing with their swords. She’s pretty hot, so props guys if you ever read this, but it’s the swords that need attention. I’ve held these blades. Perfectly balanced, they just feel natural in your hand. One day when money is no option, I’ll have these guys smelt me a broadsword so I can go out there and smite some fuckers. Unfortunately, we’re talking $1500 a blade, so I think I outta exercise some Hal Jordany willpower and buy a house before I go purchasing more swords that inevitably will sit in my closet…until the next battle of Amon Hen!
